Thursday, 25 February 2016

Seeing you

Writing here about you will help me to see you.  I'm sure about that.
Almost 6.  Getting older, but still such a little kid.

Some random things. 

You love to cuddle, become so attached to inanimate objects.  Last week I gave you a paper punch, which you promptly christened "snippy" and imbued with a whole personality.  You think there is no such things as too many cuddly toys, remembering the names of ones that haven't surfaced in years.  Like Lily the Dancer, who was buried at the bottom somewhere.
You love your sister.  You both hit it off so well.

I remember when you were a toddler, how close we were, and how caught up in each other's lives.

Now you have a life away from us. School, playdates.  You're learning violin, ballet, swimming.  It's all so much.  You're home and you're practising writing and reading, lego, dress up, making things, watching tv programmes, having fun with your little sis.  It's a whirlwind.

Here in this space, I hope to slow it down a bit and ponder it all.  

You woke the other morning and lay in bed and listened to the birds sing with your eyes closed.  You have huge feelings.  We're so lucky to live with you.

Love Mam xx

Letter to baby: Almost 18 months

Back to blogging. Here are some random photos from the last few months.  I want to record our days, in writing as well as photos.  It'll take me a while to get back into the swing of blogging.

This will be my last letter to baby though.  18 months is most definitely a toddler.

So what's been happening.  Well, we moved.  Twice. I think we're settled now.  In the smallest town I've ever lived in.  I didn't really plan to move here.  It was to make life easier.  It's a whole new world.  Bumping into people I know wherever I go.  It's so friendly here.  I think we'll like it.  Maybe I have been a secret extrovert all these years, too shy to "come out". Time will tell.

Back to you.

You walked...13 months I think.

Now you're running.  And jumping.  That little toddler hop where you can't quite get your body up in the air.  Although it won't be long.

Your language is exploding at the moment.  You understand a lot.  Like when Grandad Rob asked us where B was, and you beckoned to him to take your hand, and lead him upstairs to the bedroom where she was.  But you are saying so many words too, adding lots just the last couple of days.  Words you have- yes, no, mammy, Daddy, Bay, duck, stuck, dog, woof woof. Some more. And my favourite -

as you spin, and jump, and hop, and dance, and run, and stomp (you're a champion stomper) around.

Lots of cuddles, kisses, milk, drawing, playdough, water play, hammering, zips, puddles, swinging, climbing, "reading", trying on shoes, putting on clothes (you managed a pair of leggings alone, respect!), taking off socks.  I think life is good for you.

I love seeing it all.  You're teething a lot (so many teeth) and you wake a lot of night.  You drink lots of milk (teething)(I still feed you). 

So, we're wrecked of course.

Just to throw that in the balance.  Having two kids is challenging.  But you're the best thing to happen to our former little family of 3.

Love Mam xx


Tuesday, 18 August 2015

Letter to baby at 11 months

Here you are, 11 months old. The main things I've noticed this month has been lots of teething, and new social skills. You're waving now. Night night! We took you camping again at the weekend and we played with some feathery seeds all together in the herb garden there. You caught them with your hands and then set them free to float. Afterwards you replayed it for me, gesturing how you caught the seeds and let them go.

Still cruising too, and standing alone for very short bursts.

You and your sister played all the time when we camped, including some game of toss and fling in the tent which seemed to involve getting pillows thrown repeatedly at you, which you seemed to love!

We've been to see our new house again. There's a photo of you there. I worry about how you'll find moving there, when all you've known is here. It'll be unsettling. But it will mean you won't have to be in the car everyday. It'll be a lovely green and watery 10 minute walk to the school.

Nearly 1...


Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Sweet B

Wow, how long is it since I posted about you?
Now you're older, it's less appealing to post too much about you.  I've been making sure we have a record of some things on Instagram though.  And of course in my heart!

Finished your first year in school now.  It's been good.  You have made lots of friends, and developed socially in lots of good ways.  You will now speak up, share and perform in groups.  When you feel like it...which is just the way you should keep it.

We went camping with the school at at the weekend and it was a joy to see you running off gleefully with your friends...with hardly any arguments.  Being capable of close relationships and collaboration, and joy,  is perhaps the most important thing in life. Still trying myself with those things.

You love dressing up, dance, colouring, making things ( a box for your treasures, block structures, a mud tunnel in the garden).  You are gentle and loving with nature.  You are loud and boisterous. You still love to sing - it's a big thing for you.

You enjoy talking in a baby voice.  Like always.  I must admit it drives me crazy, and I have asked you to stop doing it too much.  I know I should let you be...but honestly....arghhhh!!  It is so creative though - it's quite hard to structure sentences in the baby way that you do, and you also like to mix the sounds of words around.  It's amazing I can understand really.

You are very caring and funny with your baby sister.  She thinks you are such good fun and squeals in delight when she sees you in the morning. You think of great games to play together - pushing her around in the cart/blowing toys off your nose across the room etc.

You spend most of your day in the garden - swinging, digging, climbing, wandering, playing imaginary games, gathering flowers/leaves, inspecting insects.  You are always mucky and bruised, and...because you don't wear shoes...have cuts on your feet.  Just like a child should.

Like all 5 year olds, you are demanding, but very amenable to waiting for things/time once situations are explained to you e.g that we need some quiet in the hallway when the baby is asleep.

We are going to have such a good time this summer.  I've agreed a structure with you i.e. clean up before play in the morning/then quiet time after lunch.  This helps so much as it means we are both happy - I get stuff done/rest, and we both get to have play time together without distractions/resentments.  Win/win.  The baby so so much easier to mind with you around too, both because you help, and because she loves to have company, especually her favourite person, you!

My relationship with you is one of the most important things in the world to me, and it has suffered a bit this last year.  I've only had so much energy, and I needed to spend the bit I had in nurturing your relationship with your sister, feeding and looking after her and us all.  I wasn't able to do too much with you. Now though, I am feeling much more energised and we are becoming really close again.


Letter to baby at 10 months

10 months, going on 11 months now....still a baby, but not for much longer.

You are sweetness and light itself.  No matter what my mood, I need only look at you and warmth spreads through me.  

You are cruising.  And took your first steps with the wooden trolley last Friday (17th July)!  Standing one-handed.  Loving pulling things out of the fridge...and playing with the loo brush :-0

You babble all day long. You make a particularly questioning noise often ("huh?") which is very endearing.  You are also very vocal about what you want and don't want and ask for it quite clearly, which is a help.  Sometimes.

You eat like a champ.  All day long it seems, and will eat anything really.

I've started to bring you to music classes and swimming, which you love.

And you love to dance.  You seem to have a very innate sense of rhythm and shimmy on down to the merest hint of music.  You often bang (rhythmically) on the bongos, and are a mean hand at strumming the strings of the ukelele and guitar.

Big sis is on her holidays now, and you couldn't be more pleased (as am I) to have her here with us all the time.  This summer is going to be so bonding for you two.  For us all.

You've been camping for the first time.  Slept like a dream, happy with all the fresh air and people watching.  In fact, you are sleeping better in general.  You suddenly seem to "get it" a lot more.  For the first time I can remember,  you fell asleep whilst lying down together( while camping). It seems that you now really want to go to sleep and get that you can just close your eyes and decide to go to sleep quite easily, without waiting until you are practically passed out like before. 

You are clapping, trying to wave, waving your arms around when you want something, trying to scoop food from the plate with your spoon (ok the handle of it...but still).  We got you a baby swing for the garden, and you absolutely love it, especially when big sis is swinging in the one alongside it, or even better when she pushes you. Oh! Climbing too on anything you can, up and down steps and onto your sister's bed.  You love having a good nosey around her room, especially crawling into her little tent.

There must be more that I could say, but for now I'll add some photos.


Thursday, 28 May 2015

Letter to baby at 9 months

So here you are, 9 months old. As long on the outside as on the inside.

This week you finally got that right leg arranged in the right place and you are crawling.
You are trying to put your hands up to be lifted. 

You have a cold and are teething as usual so have been upset. I'm taking you into bed with me a lot now.

Today you crawled over to the back door and just stayed there for about 20 minutes jabbering out the door to your sister who was swinging as usual in the garden. So sweet and funny. 

You are a determined little soul, not taking any prisoners for sure, preferring to e.g. feed yourself.  And you do eat a lot, which is a joy to see.

Very clear in what you want. What you don't want. And how to express that. 

It is emotional to think of your 9 months inside, well matched by the 9 months here with us. Your spirit is so strong, fierce, soft. Glowing. Burning, even.   I think of your is so meaningful to me. It is so evocative I couldn't resist it though softer, prettier, even some shall we say cosmopolitan names were appealing to me.

Your sibling who I miscarried last before you was to be called Oriane. Golden Dawn, as she was to be for us. 

Her light shines in different ways now. I'm not religious or even spiritual. But energy doesn't die. 

Not one of us can be anything for anyone else. 

We belong to the winds, to the wilds of fortune. This is what your name evokes for me. Nature. Beautiful, powerful and merciless.

And most of all. Free.

Mam Xx

Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Letter to baby at 8 months

Now you're 8 months, and looking very big all of a sudden.

It is brilliant to have a fat have lots of lovely rolls. I must take some good photos before they are gone.  You are just so gorgeous and squidgy.  And such a sunny personality.

You love to eat - picking up peas, devouring oranges, loving everything.

You are chatting away to us.  The other night as I said "night night" to the sun as I closed the blinds (a nightly ritual) you grinned as always and said something very like night night...the same tone and inflection.  You also use the same tone and inflection as me to say something like "Hiya". It's fascinating.

Other things you do are to pick up and bang down a little ball.  If you bang it it lights up and you saw me do this so you are trying to do the same.  You succeeded once and were delighted.  Tonight you banged Daddy's phone in the same way as you have seen that light up.  It's amazing what we see when we observe.

You are trying to crawl still, and are making lots of efforts with rolling.  You go up on one knee but the other one stays over to the side often.

You have moved from the hammock to a cot by my bed and are getting used to it.  Neither you nor your sister were ones for co-sleeping as babies, although when semi-conscious in the middle of the night you will sometimes fall asleep next to me.  Not very cuddly babies - no sitting down cuddling or taking lovely daytime naps together.  Not too fond of slings either, although you will sleep in one for a limited period. Not a fan of it generally when awake though.  You love to be picked up, but with a view to having a good ole nose around - strictly not for cuddling.  I have to laugh at your fierce independent spirit - with you, not at you of course!

We had a trip to Cork so everyone could see you.  You were very unsettled for the first few days when there, seeming to have some stranger anxiety, which did ease off.  I think we had done too much travelling beforehand with two other trips, and you were teething too.

I keep getting glimpses of what you will look like when you are grown up. You have a very strong look - so much of it I can see comes from various patrts of the family, but you are very much yourself. It's funny I can imagine what you will look like as an adult but not as a toddler or as a child.

We are trying to move house at the moment and we are far too busy.  I want to enjoy this very special time before it is gone.  

Love Mam x